I think its about time i done an update here!

After looking for a new job and almost giving up i finally have a new one so goodbye Tesco WOOP! I start @ Topshop on Oxford Street on monday and im kinda nervous big time. The place is so frigging massive and they have over 1000 members of staff [including me now haha]. Had my induction the other day which was boring just going over the legal stuff and health & safety. Some of the people in my induction group were very annoying but thankfully they arent working in the same department as me.

Hmmmmm thats all thats really new with me thats worth posting about. Just the normal stuff happening and stuff.

Revision sucks
Procrastination rules *brings out appropiate icon*

Hmmm Im so bored so I think its time for an update.

School is really stressful for me at the moment. Mr Todd is treating me like an idiot in class and is really condesending. Yes I may not understand the work, but there's no need to talk and explain things to me like Im a 4 year old. AND the bloody Independant Study is none existant and we write it in Decemeber. Psychology is ok, but Ive got my retake in January and Im panicking about that. And ICT is just blah as ususal. Mrs Harris is still being a knob. Saying if I dont have all my uni's down by monday on my ucas we will be having a "little meeting". Erm yea Ive waited 2 months to talk to you about uni's and you havent bothered. Wanker.

Life is the same sucky thing. Me and Sally are like none existant really. Its all Kayleigh and Vic. Oh the joy. It feels like I dont have anyone from school anymore thats like my best friend. Everyone seems to have their someone and now there's just me...floating around. The holiday seems none existant too. Nothing has been mentioned for a few weeks when we should of booked it ages ago and we've missed all the best deals. Still sick of not doing anything. I cant even remember the last time the whole group went out. Things just seem off with all these things happening.

Terry's birthday is on tuesday, party saturday. Should be interesting. Ive heard 2 fights are gonna happen and someone wants to have a go at someone else. Oh the drama. But Im looking forward to dressing up all nice and girly in my new dress. But me thinks it will be awkard if something happens.

My birthday is also stressing me out. I dont have a clue what to do. Would of loved to go see Placebo but shit happens. I just want to do something but I really dont know what. I wanna do something on sat so like I can make a proper evening of it but that means Chung cant come and like other people *coughnotnamingnames* get annoyed because they are always tired after work and dont wanna stay out late. Its my 18th and I want to go out and have fun. Why do birthdays always cause so much stress LOL

I ramble when Im bored:O

Ah its so nice to hear your friend all went out without you. It makes things so much clearer now.

Its all arranged to go soas for our independant studies, but then its cancelled because you cant get through to Faduma but now you tell me you and her went anyway without me because you didnt wanna phone me at 7am to let me know. Erm HELLO! Im also doing a history independant study in which I needed to go to the library as well. I wasnt even fucking told.

Well f*** you

Im sick of sitting at home every night!
I wanna go out!

Too much tension:(

Well judging by what people have said and the bulletins on myspace, it sounds like people are pissed off with each other about last night:S

Thinking back, it seems to have started over something stupid which some people dont understand [only two people understood] and if I heard right how people were blaming other people who me and Sal leaving which is stupid.

How can we all go on holiday together when things like this happen?

Havent updated in a while.

Summer holidays was okish. Just went passed in a blur. Scotland was ok.....stayed in everynight which drove me crazy, even more so because there was nothing to do at my aunts house so I was actually going to bed early :O
Isle of Wight was shit with a captial S. Place is full of old people. Dad got gastric flu and was ill so it was me and mum all the time with nothing to do. Had to be up at 8am for breakfast which pissed us off. Then in our guest house, they wanted to clean the rooms at 9 so we had to be out with nowhere to go.

Schools crap. My history teacher is treating me like an idiot at the moment. Telling me about how to highlight work. ERM HELLO IM 17 NOT 5. The common room is like WW3 because Mrs Harris was an idiot and took on too many people. Year 12's are right little shits. Well the chavvy ones are.

The group holiday plan seems to be falling appart even before its started. Im just not gonna bother taking sides because its not gonna do any good. Nothing is fucking simple.

Blah

Take this quiz and find out how girly you are. (GUYS TOO LOL)
Put x's beside each thing that's true.
Each x that you put is one percent. Have fun!!"

[x]my fingernails/toenails are always painted
[ ] during the summer the only shoes i wear are flip flops
[ ] my favorite toys as a child were barbies
[ ] my favorite color is pink or purple
[ ] I did Gymnastics
[x] I love skirts
[ ] hollister is one of my favorite places to shop
[x] tight jeans are the only jeans i'll wear
[x] I love chocolate
[ ] I've never had a real job

TOTAL: 4


[x] my hair is almost always straightened
[ ] I have at least 8 myspace pictures
[ ] I usually go shopping once a week
[x] I love to hang out at the mall with friends
[ ] I have a real diamond ring or diamond necklace or earings
[ ] I've gone to a tanning salon
[ ] I've gone to the beach to tan - not to swim
[x] I have at least 10 pairs of shoes
[x] I watch either the OC or Laguna Beach
[ ] I change my myspace page weekly
[ ] I wear a shower cap

TOTAL: 4

[x] I dont shop at Hot Topic
[x] my cell phone might as well become a part of me
[x] wear mascara everyday
[x] I've been or am on a diet
[ ] bathing suits are adorable
[ ] I dont know the difference between a sheep and a goat.
[x] i have a pair of big sunglasses
[ ] I have gotten my nails done before
[ ] I own over 10 purses
[ ] MTV is one of my favorite channels

TOTAL: 5

[ ] all I want to do at sleepovers is talk about boys
[x] love to have girls do my hair
[ ] give and recieve hugs from all my friends
[ ]I hate bugs
[x] carnivals are so fun!
[ ]Summer is THE best season
[ ] my swimsuit has 2 pieces
[x]I'm waiting for my knight in shining armor
[x] musicians are so hot
[ ] you write me a poem and tell me i'm beautiful and i'm all yours

TOTAL: 4

[x] I am self-conscious
[ ] I cry often
[ ] my car smells like vanilla or cherry
[x] my dishes get washed more than once a week
[x] I dont do sports
[ ] I HATE to run
[ ] I squeal when i am surprised or angry
[ ] I eat dried fruit as a snack
[ ] I love romance novels
[ ] Drew Barrymore is so cute

TOTAL: 3

[ ] I dance a lot. everywhere!
[x] usually spend an hour or over to get ready to leave my house
[x] I only have like 5 billion hair products
[x] I love to get dressed up.
[ ] every part of my outfit needs to match
[ ] I talk on the phone at least once a day to my friends
[ ] I would love to have a photo shoot
[ ] i apply lip stuff 50 times a day.
[ ]I wish I were a model

TOTAL: 3

[ I wish I could meet Paris Hilton
[ ] I own Uggs
[ ] Hip hop is the best music
[ ] I pop my collar sometimes
[ ] like to be the center of attention
[ ]Guys with Fauhawks are crazy and hott
[ ] horses are beautiful
[x] i'd rather not pay attention in school
[x] Cats are adorable

TOTAL: 2

[ ] I write my own music/poems
[ ] I would love to visit Hawaii
[ ] Valentine's day is so cute!
[ ] white is better than black
[ ] I wouldn't be caught dead in all black
[x] my closet is STOCK FULL of clothes
[ ] I hate the grunge look
[x] I love to read magazines

TOTAL: 2

[x] I love to gossip
[ ] I had Lisa Frank folders/posters/notebooks as a kid
[ ] I love Celine Dion
[ ] my bubble baths were 1-2hrs long
[ ] My wedding only needs a groom because it's already planned
[ ] My friends and I are in a strict group. We mostly only hang out with each other.
[x] I like little kids
[ ] Diet drinks are the best
[ ] I'm all about being vegetarian
[ ] I refuse to eat at McDonald's

TOTAL: 2

[x] I check my myspace everyday.
[ ] I love life!
[x] I have a lot of jewlery!
[ ] my screen name(s) have/had x's in them
[ ] one of my myspace names has/had <3's in them
[ ] I would never want to be the opposite sex
[x] It's not what he/she said it's the way he/she said it
[ ] I have more than 3 pillows on my bed

TOTAL: 3

Now add up all the total points and put "I am girly" for the title

Why are parents so fucking annoying???

I for some strange reason decided to tell my mum about how Placebo have a gig on the 9th Dec that would be kool to go to seeing as it is right after my bday. I only mentioned it not thinking anything would come of it. But she tells my dad and they say I can go with my friends for my bday and Im thinking EXCELLENT! But then my mood changes. Dad starts moaning about all the trouble its gonna cause and shit like that and problems that are gonna happen. And with his birthday as well it's gonna be an expensive month and blah blah. So I kindly suggest that his bday should be more important and then he's all like YOUR NOT LISTENING TO ME. BLAH BLAH. Im thinking erm hello? One minute your saying go and then the next your all omg the problems this is gonna cause. MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND.

I so want to go but dad is going to make life hell going on about shit and also another thing is who to invite? A couple friends like them, but most people don't and it's like why waste £25 when you don't even like the music or never heard of them?

I wish I'd kept my fucking mouth shut.

Being a teenager sucks. Im saying this because suddenly my skin has decided that it will attack me with loads of spots. I used to get the odd one, but now Ive got spots all over my forehead [thank god for my side fringe!]

But anyway....

Ive got so bored today that I got my dance mat out and went on it for like 30 mins. According to the dance mat, I lost 60 calories!?! LOL Yea right.

Hmmmmm what else. Oh yea I was staring at myself in the mirror today[vain...I know] but anyway I saw that I have two scars on my face from when I got assulted/beaten whatever. They're small, but I know that they are there and its like *ANGRY FACE*

Well well well

Its finally the summer holidays and Im bored. *shock horror*

Ive been out and stuff, but I wanna be out most of the day just chilling and having fun, but that hasnt really happened yet. I guess it don't help that most people are going away so we arent all here at the same time.

Great another evening out cancelled *angry face*

And they tell me to stop being negative. I'll stop being negative when outings arent cancelled!

Now Terry thinks Im digging at him because Im pissed about the whole situation earlier. I cant say anything right sometimes.

The one song to sum up my mood right now is Bother by Stone Sour.

The girl is pleading not guilty and apparently has an alibi. Words cannot describe how pissed off that makes me feel.

Mum and dad wanna talk about how I feel and get it out in the open. I literally have no words to describw how I feel and I hate talking about it now.

I just wish it had never happened.

Didnt have a good nights sleep again. Im getting so tired now. I need a decent nights sleep. I feel kinda numb about saturday. It doesnt seem real that it actually happened, but I know it has because I keep looking round thinking Ive seen the girl and getting flash backs.

This really hasnt been my week.

First off on Tuesday have that mini car crash with Terry,
feeling really depressed friday night and posting alot of rambling crap
and then last night I get assulted.

Standing at the bus stop with Bel and Sal coz we were all going to a party together. A girl comes up to us and asks if Sal has beer in her bag which she does and starts chatting crap and then asks to see Sal's phone but Sally says no and then the girl tries grabbing for it by going down Sals back pockets. Bel tried to grab the phone from Sally's pocket so the girl couldnt get it and I grabbed the bag full of beers so the girl couldnt get them. Then the girl starting like pulling Sal and grabbing her hair and something ticked in me and I just went for the girl trying to push her off and stuff and then the girl turned on me and starting pulling me hair and hitting me. I tried whacking her around the head with the bag of beers. Then the next minute I know Ive been dragged into the road and Im on the floor and a car was coming but Bel or Sal managed to get me out of the way and then I think like 2 cars stopped and got the girl off me and we just ran like there was no tomorrow to Bels house which is right by the bus stop. I dont really remember much of how long we were fighting and stuff it just happened so quickly.

Our parents came and got us and we went to the police station and they called the robbery team or whatever they are called and we had to drive around with two police officers and give our statement and to see if we could see the girls. If we had of seen them, then they would of been arrested straight away but we didnt see them:@ One of the men asked if we needed an ambulance because I had cuts all down my face and Sal had a headache which could of been a bad sign but we said no.

Today I have a really bad neckache and my head hurts so bad. I harly slept last night becuase I couldnt sleep on the back of my head as it was so sore and I couldnt sleep on either side because my cuts were really hurting. It hasnt really sunk in what happened. Its just so weird. I never thought something like this would happen but now it has and its just feels weird.

My mum phoned Char up as soon as we got home and told her and she said she was coming right over and staying the night so I had some company which I think done me good. And I didnt tell Terry because he was at a party which he had been looking forward to for ages. He was kinad angry at me for not telling him last night because he would of come to see me straight away but I didnt wanna his night.

So yea thats what happened last night and I was really looking forward to the party because of feeling depressed on friday abuot things.

A philosophical entry tonight.

You know how some people believe we are all born with a purpose in life, well I got thinking tonight about what my purpose is. I don't really seem to have one. Im just there. Its like if I went away like died, would anyone really miss me? Have I really made that much of an impact on someone's life?

I see other people and how they live their lives, and they seem to certain about who they are and everything and Im the complete opposite of that. It's like I look at my group and then I look at another group of friend, and the othe group seem so much more together than mine. No one really gives a shit about the group. The only people who really do are the ones who actually try but just get ignore or sidelined. I dont even know why we are called a "group". We are bitch about the majority of people. We can't just go out spontaneously and have fun. It has to be arranged like 4 years in advanced and then cancelled at the last minute. There are so many different personalities that we can never agree on one thing. I know what Id like to be doing, but I dont do that which pisses me off. And I know why I dont do it. And thats never going to change even though I fucking wish it would because most of the time it rules my life and that fucking sucks.

I wish things could be different. That we were just one big group that always went out, having fun, being spontaneous, having a laugh, but that will never happen which just depresses me. Im 17 for fucks sake, I should be going out of friday and saturday nights with the girls living it up but no Im at home surfing the net like some sad computer geek.

Life in general sucks aswell. I may seem happy on the outside but Im sure as hell am not on the inside.